I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
