I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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