not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
His nipple licking is glorious
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