Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
