if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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