i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
