She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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