if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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