were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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