Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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