I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
