You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
