Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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