i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize