smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
