yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
