I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
