I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
