no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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