there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
