the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
