Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
