wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
