Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We are two peas in an std pod
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
