So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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