who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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