Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
