Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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