does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
