come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
