Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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