I just saw a hot homeless man
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we're so committed to being not committed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize