Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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