Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
