Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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