i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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