if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His nipple licking is glorious
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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