They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
