Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
