just come out here and I will go home with you...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
