Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
