that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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