Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
