We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
