dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
