the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
