I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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