She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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