Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
