The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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