Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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