i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize