he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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