It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
