She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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