I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
