She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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