Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
