Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
