billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
