Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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