Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize