Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
