There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
