Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
