God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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