do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
