hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize