you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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