Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
