if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
