I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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