i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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