all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
