So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
