evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
