just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
