Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
