I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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