Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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