No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
