im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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