Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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