I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
