Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
