Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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