3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
thus making me awesome and them whores
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
