i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize