Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
