When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
