Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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