His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
