Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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