I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
