At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Be still, my beating vagina.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
