i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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