Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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