I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
