I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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